Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Rant!

I absolutely adore this country - I think that anyone who has been reading my blog gets that. But there is ONE thing that I really REALLY don't like and that is this over emphasis on our children apparently being able to be viewed as adults from the age of 16. Seriously - they want you to sign a form at the doctors surgery when they turn 16 stating that they can contact the child without the parent present. Some colleges try to exclude the parents in the application and enrollment process. This morning I came face to face with more of this rather annoying and downright insulting behavior and I am mad!


Let me elaborate. My eldest daughter has started to work - as you might already know from previous posts - and is in need of a National Insurance number. In order to get one you need to make an appointment for an interview at a local Jobcentre. You need to prove who you are (naturally) with something like a passport or a drivers licence or something else. If like us you are not yet citizens, you need to prove that you are eligible to work here (again, naturally). 

So appointment made, I drive my daughter into town for appointment. I go armed with all our permanent residence information because our application is complicated. We don't have our passports to hand as they are sitting at the Home Office. This not a simple straight forward interview. 


My daughter is called for her interview, I go with her. The woman hardly looks at me and says to my daughter, 'And who is this?'

Urm - excuse me! I'm RIGHT HERE and I can even talk!

My daughter and I at the same time, 'My mom/I'm her mother'

Woman: 'Do you need her?'

I'm STILL HERE lady and now my hackles are up because you are SO DAMN RUDE!!!

Me: 'Actually it's absolutely necessary that I'm here because this is not a straight forward application and there are things that my daughter will not be able to answer because she DID NOT make the permanent residence  application. As the adult I DID THAT!!'

Woman: 'Well okay then' in a rather sulky voice.

She then proceeded to ignore me completely, she asked questions that my daughter could not answer so I had to answer and provide all the paperwork. She would listen to my answer then TURN TO MY DAUGHTER, meet her eye, and answer!

I cannot tell you how angry I was! That has to be the rudest encounter I have had with a human being ever!

So, to the Jobcentre's around Britain - you may want to introduce your staff to Lady Manners! Put aside your bureaucratic and officious attitudes and LISTEN to each individuals business.

 And with regards to everyone's attitudes towards treating children as adults the minute they turn 16 here's how I see it, If I am the one still providing my child's (did you get that? MY CHILD's!) every need. The roof over her head, the food in her belly, the clothes on her back, transport to and from everywhere, every-single-need, then I HAVE THE RIGHT to be present in all areas of her life that are important and official. As long as I am paying the freight on her life I GET a say! How ridiculous that you afford children 'adult status' when they are still completely and totally reliant on someone else for every provision in their lives. GET A GRIP for heavens sake!

Rant over.

24 comments:

  1. Rant away, Shirley. How utterly rude & frustrating.

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  2. Totally with ya. That person at the job centre deserved a smack - luckily for them YOU have manners and didn't resort to violence! Rant on!

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    1. LOL, Penny I think I went took the passive aggressive approach - I totally killed her with kindness, smiles and purposeful meeting of the eyes. I don't think she liked that at all.

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  3. Preach it, Sister! Even if there is an emphasis on 16 year olds having "adult" status, there is the law of courtesy and respect towards others. Perhaps this woman should be reported to her superiors.........

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    1. I agree Anne, common courtesy and respect should be afforded to all. Sadly it seems to be a virtue that seems to becoming a rare commodity in our modern society.

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  4. Sometimes you just have to get it out don't you!! I am all for privacy and peoples rights and data protection and all of that, but sometimes the bureaucracy is just crazy isn't it. There are often situations in life when a situation concerns you, but only someone else can answer the questions, provide the information, ask the questions etc and these people will not speak to the person who knows. I have come across this myself when I have been sat in a room - in a hospital - and they asked the person I was with a question, they turn to me, I answer, they then have to repeat it to the person who asked the question because the one asking would not speak to me because I was "nothing to do with it"!!!!! So I totally get it. I hope that all went well for your daughter and that she now has the required NI No.! Hope all is going well with your other application as well! xx

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    1. I agree with you Amy, I'm all for privacy, peoples rights, data protection and all of that. But I really wish that people would assess the situation for themselves and apply common sense and logic. Honestly, if I had said that I would wait on the sofa, I would have been called back within the first minute of the interview! Apparently she can get a temp NI number until our passports are returned as they are needed (understandably). So at the next interview she will be going in on her own because it will be straight forward. I have no problem with my children growing up and taking responsibility etc, but really there are things, like citizenship applications, that are complicated and intricate that my kids have no (nor need they have a) clue about. I barely have a clue which is why we pay lawyers to check over such complex things LOL.

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  5. Wow, that has got to be so frustrating. Not just the situation but also that woman's rudeness. So many people these days have no idea of basic manners.

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    1. Very frustrating Helena! Ordinarily I would have been happy for my daughter to go into the interview on her own - after all it's just an NI number, but my daughter wanted me with her and I needed to be with her. This lady was just not understanding of either necessity or need.

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  6. I suggest you make an official complaint about that person. I think that they aren't all like that and it was probably just that one person.

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    1. Thanks Helen, I think might do that. I've never come across anyone who was so obviously dismissive. I find that people are generally nice and kind. If you are pleasant yourself you will generally find people respond to that. I tried to be extra pleasant and nice all through the interview, but she was having none of it LOL.

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    2. I agree with Helen. That attitude was not acceptable.

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  7. Well, the legal age here in the States is still eighteen I think. It used to be twenty-one. My kids are now grown up so I don't pay as much attention to it. Having said that, I would have been feeling just as you did. Even with the laws on her side, someone that rude should never be in an occupation that requires working with the public. It makes me wonder what experiences she has gone through, rather personally or with patients, to turn her so mean towards parents. There has to be a story there somewhere.

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    1. I agree Brenda, if you are dealing with people on the front line in your profession you should probably like people LOL.

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  8. Yes I too believe you have every right to complain and children are not classed as adults until they turn eighteen and at one point it was twenty one! I am sorry both you and your daughter were treated in such a way. San x

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    1. San I thought that it should be 18! I don't know all the in's and outs in England but it seems that certain things are 16 and others 18 - very confusing! Thanks for letting me know that it is 18 though!

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  9. How rude, some people need to see the bigger picture. If you can remember her name or any details then maybe you can send an email complaint/comment about her?

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    1. Evelyn my daughter remembered her name. As we walked out she said, 'Gosh! what a rude lady! Next time we make an appointment to come here please tell them that you don't want to see Catherine (I think her name was) again!'

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  10. Make that complaint. It is the ONLY way anyone will realise that they need to change, and they need to do it in their very next interview. Tomorrow. Rude people are bullies. There are, sadly, many here in NZ with whom I will have nothing further to do because of their utter arrogance and RUDENESS. Uncultured in the extreme and trying to bluster their way through.

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    1. Absolutely Col - but I wonder if it wouldn't be like water off a ducks back. People who can be so blatantly rude are beyond reach I think. They've allowed their hearts to grow cold and hard. :(

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  11. There is worldwide confusion about the state of adulthood ! On buses and trains here it is 16, but on planes it is 12! At 15 the children are allowed to see adult movies, at 16 the school system no longer regards parents as having any right to know the grades or progress or disciplines of their child ( and in Britain 16 yr olds can get married) and the medical profession can prescribe without informing parents. In fact the children here in Norway can get the contraceptive pill free from their school nurse without even a doctor involved; something that actually caused a young girl to die a few years back, as there was a family condition that meant no doctor would ever have prescribed it for her, knowing the family history, that of course the nurse had no idea about! The age that young people are permitted by law to drive varies widely from place to place as does the consumption of alcohol, and the ability to vote. Wouldn't it be so much more sensible to have a consensus on these things! ( oh dear, that was a mini rant of my own!) But I do agree that your treatment was extremely rude and you should complain.

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    1. That is a tragic story Gill! Why is it I wonder that parents are seen as the enemy and the children wards of the state? In years gone by - not that long ago - the wisdom that previous generations could pass on to their children was valued and respected. There seems to be a downward spiraling trend setting in.

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  12. Here, here!!!! Omg it is like that and worse in the states!!! Until they want payment and the "adult" has no money or job!!
    I was screaming the same sentiments when my diabetic son turned 16.

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  13. Here, here!!!! Omg it is like that and worse in the states!!! Until they want payment and the "adult" has no money or job!!
    I was screaming the same sentiments when my diabetic son turned 16.

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